triscuits of my life

so yes. i’m terrified to go to camp. i’m sorry that that’s all i talk about but i got nothing else on my mind. so just don’t read this if you are so bothered by my lack of diversity in topics on this blog! 
i think something that I’ve learned through my extended period of hyperventilating/trying to come up with a disease i can pretend to have so i can’t go to camp/pretending to be excited about everything is being fearful of things is natural. It’s okay to be scared of something because last time i checked everyone is. it’s easy to act like you aren’t phased by things but in the midst of a situation it’s much more evident that you are not the iron or tin woman or man. i’m not even sure why people are so quick to mask their fears. why are we so ashamed of the emotion of fear? does it show weakness? just because i’m fearful of something doesn’t mean that i am weak. i am afraid of this experience and yet i’m still going to embark upon it. it’s like the Dad in Princess Diaries says to his daughter, “courage is not the absence of fear, it’s the realization that there’s something more important than fear” .realizing there’s something more important than fear and doing it. maybe you were justified in your fears and maybe you come to realize that all your worries were for nothing. but nonetheless we should show our anxiety more often because that way i won’t feel alone :) heehee. alright peace out

why hello! sorry, you caught me at an intimate moment. my sandals and i have a bond unlike any other. they support me. i hug them. our love is greater than that cheesy garbage seen in fairy tales. 
i’m super excited to look like a dork and boss kids around!
TAKE ME TO COLORADO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

today I read a quote on twitter about how people are held back because they are complacent with “the good” when they could be experiencing “the great”. this angered me but at the same time was kind of inspiring.
Angry because I don’t think our whole lives should revolve around wondering if we are at the “greatest” point we could possibly be. in some respects it’s important to question if we’re at our fullest potential, but sometimes one needs to be content rather than continuously longing for more, in my highly esteemed (psssh) opinion. like okay so right now being a college student I am attending a state school. maybe the greatest thing I could achieve is a more prestigious private school but if i spend my time dwelling on that, i’m not sure there’s much value.
I was inspired cuz i’m leaving for colorado to be a camp counselor this summer. I made this choice in the early spring, when leaving ames seemed like a beautiful thing. meeting new people seemed like a great idea too. now i’m bugging out and want to hide under my bed (which i may end up doing, actually. i haven’t written the thought off quite yet. just keep it hush hush). but i think if i were to deny myself of the privilege it is to go there, then i would be denying myself greatness. i know that becoming a camp counselor sounds like a really stupid thing to be freaking out about, but i was a full time day camp counselor last summer and it is not a cake walk. if it was, i would probably be a lot fatter. kids wear you out. and my whole life became about making my campers happy. i did not care about how i looked when i walked out the door. i didn’t really care a lot about keeping in touch w/ my friends and family back home. i grew a lot. it was hard work and there were many days when i could’ve thrown things at children or just thrown  the children themselves. in the end i came home and was very very happy i had chosen to become a camp counselor. 
and now.

here i am.
i am just terrified of every single thing about camp.
maybe that’s for the best. we aren’t supposed to live our lives hiding from the things that make us uncomfortable. but many of us still do. i’m not even sure what’s happening w/ this post anymore. i apologize folks
it is late. i have been emotionally charged.
excuses. excuses.

alright i’m going to sleep. love. 
robert pattinson is gorgeous and i hope i dream about him and his dreamy eyes and british drawl. mmMMmmmMMMMMMMmmmmm 

know why i hate montages? because in real life, there are so many awkward, grey moments. so many moments that are not worthy of being recorded or would not be very interesting to most people. and everyone has those moments. 
it’s not like every hour of the day you are frolicking in a field with your child or boyfriend or girlfriend. i hate cheesy moments because it’s not consistent with reality. and i think we need to get back to reality. acknowledging and appreciating those not so Kodak moments is better than acting like everything is always peachy. that is way i’d rather watch a sad or indie film rather than a romantic comedy because NONE OF THAT STUFF ACTUALLY EVER HAPPENS. 

my life would look super awesome if i took all the moments when i was smiling/laughing with my friends or family together into one little slideshow with some stupid upbeat song about love. but then if you look at the other 99% of my life, it is chalk full of me being awkward or frustrated and a terrible friend/daughter and being really unsure about everything! Let’s highlight those moments and piece them together. then what? 
that would just make people uncomfortable in their seats. people would probably check to make sure they were not dreaming a nightmare because how dare a film producer put something realistic into a movie! ohhh the tragedy. maybe i’ll become a filmmaker because i have vision. i have a dream, that one day, movies will accurately portray the lives of the mundane, common activities that occur in people’s lives. i’d definitely watch those movies. would you?  

(via idonthaveabellybutton)

I really like the gloomy days.
I don’t know why.
In high school I would always hope it would be gloomy outside. Not raining a lot, not snowing. Definitely not partly cloudy.
Just, gloomy 

it’s crazy how one shot (of a vaccination) can make your entire arm sore! WHOA. mind boggling. someone needs to give my arm a kissie. it’s hurting badly
please? 
anyone? 

Whenever I am nervous, anxious, and/or stressed, I rub my fingers against my cuticles. Thus, you can always tell how stressed I am by looking at my fingers.

Right now, 
LOTS OF HANGNAILS.
AND BLOOD 

BOLD WHAT’S TRUE

I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pyjamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am left handed. 
I am a little shy around the opposite/same gender at first.
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car. 
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl. 
I have all my grandparents. 
I have been to another country. 
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.I
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.
I have bathed someone. 
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have had major/minor surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I like the taste of blood.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop. 
I own 100 CDs or more.
I own and use a library card. 
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I was born in a country other than the UK. 
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would classify myself as ghetto.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. 
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.


I have/had:

Graduated high school. 
Smoked cigarettes/cigars.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid. 
Gone to a concert.
Helped someone.
Spun turn tables.

Watched four movies in one night.

Been dumped.
Taken a college level course. 
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over £200 in one day.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do

Stolen books from the library.  

Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Fired a gun. (bb gun)
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Attempted suicide/Harmed yourself.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have. 
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
Had a hamster.
Dyed your hair.
Had something pierced. 
Got straight A’s.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.

My hair is naturally the color:

Light brown
Medium brown
Dark brown
Blonde
Black
Dirty blonde
Strawberry blonde/Ginger

My eyes are:

Brown
Blue
Green
Grey
Hazel 
Light brown
A combination of things

I am a:

Male
Female 

People sometimes label me as ___, .
Slut
Girly
Ugly
Nerd
Other 

My longest relationship was ___. (including on and off relationships)
1 month or less
2 months
3 months
4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months 
8 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
A year
Two years or more
I’ve never been in a real relationship.

Some of my biggest fears are ___.
Spiders/other insects
Dying 
Doctor/dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
Being alone in the dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Holes
Large animals
Small animals
Dying young
Open spaces

I have ___.
A friend with benefits
A laptop in my room

A television in my room

Good grades

My own car 
Married parents

(via taylorhiccups)